Thursday, November 27, 2008

ooohhh, more advice!

again, stolen from!

Dear Lynn,

My boyfriend is the perfect guy—kind, romantic, generous, loving, caring, and ready to commit wholly to us. He has introduced me to every member of his family. We have a long-distance relationship because we go to schools in different states. But there is a particular girl he calls every day, sometimes much more than he calls me. He calls her sometimes first thing in the morning, and they exchange text messages about how they miss each other and other emotional words. I have confronted him but he claims they are just friends.

The last straw was when he took her to Disneyworld about a month ago — without my knowledge — to help take care of his nieces and nephews. He bought me a ticket but I couldn't go at the last minute due to academic commitments. He claims that he could not have taken care of the kids alone and knew that if he had told me I would have made a big deal out of nothing. He apologized profusely and insisted that nothing is going on between them. He spends Valentine’s Day and every major holiday with me, has met my parents and is very eager to please them. I have warned him that if his closeness to her continues I would leave. He says that I am being paranoid. What do I do? — Am I Being Paranoid?

...and I weigh in:

Dear Lynn,

You are NOT being paranoid. Maybe just oblivious. It's obvious your boyfriend just wants a threesome. You need to ask yourself one question: Who are you to deny him, the man you love, this god-given right?

He's making nice, and getting friendly with this other woman to, you know, warm her up. He's prepping her for the threesome experience. Yeah, you may be left out a little bit (for now), but don't worry, you'll get yours. However, for now, it's important that you know your place. Your job is to wait in the wings until the new girl is brought up to speed. Be supportive, offer your help. Trust me, he could probably use it.

The best thing you can do is embrace this. Go ahead, make your boyfriend the happiest man alive by letting him blast two (2) hot chicks at the same time. Please, I encourage you to read up, learn exactly how to make this the best experience of his life.

When that magical night finally does happen, and your boyfriend's dreams really do come to fruition, you can smile knowing that you played a major role. He will appreciate you so much more. Next, prepare to be kicked to the curb - because what kind of self-respecting dude wants to marry some trashy broad who's going to be doing threesomes? Who knows what other skeezy things you've been up to....are you even clean? GTFO, cause baby you ain't marriage material.

If you truly love him, set him free.


1 comment:

Steve Kerr said...

Spot fucking on. Dropping that science son.