Wednesday, July 30, 2008

office dress code

lately i've been seeing a lot of articles on, and other brain-draining websites (that keep us preoccupied in a perpetual rut of shit, but that's neither here nor there)...about what to wear at the office.

i keep reading about whats appropriate to wear, what's not appropriate and blah, blah, blah. obviously i'm a guy (a fucking jacked and tan perfect specimen of masculinity, you little shit) so i can wear a pair of dress pants, anything collared, and be good. but for women, it seems to be a bit more difficult - with some grey area. too much cleavage (lol); too much leg (again, lol), how are you supposed to know? well let me help you.

i honestly don't care what you wear to work. your attire isn't going to affect my work performance. but there are a few things that i cannot, and will not, tolerate. here are some of my rules:

perfume - if you smell like a wet dog, there's a pretty good chance that whatever stench you spilled all over yourself is not perfume. go immediately home, shower, and try again.

hair - bottom line: if your hair looks fucked up, don't come to work. please wash it once in a while, too.

footwear - yes, it's called footwear. you wear it. on your feet...both of them. if i see one more gnarl-toed behemoth trudge around the office barefoot, i'll shit.

here's a general rule, before you leave each morning, ask yourself this question: does what i'm wearing make me look (or smell) like i'd be confused for a nascar fan?

***be on the look out for future editions of heckyeah-man's guide to fashion. i'm planning on guides for: you, other people's kids, the gym, and concerts...among others.

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